How to catch your wife cheating while deployed

POA, open them. And guess what? She was taking almost every dime he made the minute it hit the bank. Well, when she finds out he wants to save some money she goes ballistic again. He gave her a choice. Guess what she chose??? The only thing I can think of is this: She wanted his POA to change his beneficiaries on his life insurance to her. Friendly fire? They are set for life.

I know that she used him, I know that she cheated on him, and I know it is a good thing that I am over 6 hours away from her. Yet, she tells his Rear Det that she has no way of contacting him or his family, that no one will answer the phone. Even though he married her so soon after they met, I really tried to embrace the fact he was married.

I really wanted to love her. Now that he sees her for what she is, he has changed his bank and is only paying her part of the Basic Housing Allowance. I know of three other soldiers that she has done this way. She was a cold, manipulative, calculating, evil witch and I am glad he finally saw her for what she really is.

I know there are alot of cheating spouses out there, but to cheat on your spouse when they are in a war zone? My son is resilient, he is young and he will bounce back from this. I just hope he realizes that moving too quick is part of the problem here. He says this was a learning experience for him, but it was an expensive one.

Someone told me that under the Uniformed Soldiers Act sect , it IS illegal for a soldier or a spouse to cheat during war time and punishable by jail sentence. Does anyone know if that is true? KE said this on September 18, at pm Reply. Samantha said this on June 19, at am Reply. I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months now and he is away at Army OCS for two months. Not sure what goes on there or if cheating happens at OCS. We want to be together and when he gets back we have plans to move in together so I am excite about our future and so is he in the letters.

The thing is I am so worried that he will cheat when deployed or when he leaves to another training after OCS for 4 months in Ft. Some advice. Mia said this on February 11, at pm Reply. A marine wife, your post is an inspiration. Thank you for sharing your story. I salute you all. You deserve our utmost respect and gratitude. You deserve our support in any manner able to be provided! God Bless you all! You are my heroes! A marine wife said this on November 19, at pm Reply. A Marine Wife, thank you for taking time to tell us your story. It is very good to hear from you and others like yourself.

You give good advice to other newly weds and young relationships to help them get through tough times! Good for you guys. Keep it up. A marine wife said this on November 13, at am Reply. Linette, once he married, why did you keep up your relationship? That makes no sense to me. Why would you keep on allowing him to degrade you with your complicity.

I know that sounds cold. But, life is not always fair. But, we all must take responsibility for our part in our destiny. Once he married, you should have let him go. If he kept coming around, get a restraining order if necessary. But, I feel I must defend our troops here. They are not the only ones who have men and women of low morals, little responsibility, and such. The same thing happened to me though the situation was a little different. It happens in all areas of life. Forget this jerk. Find out why you stayed with him through professional help, as I did, and then go find someone who deserves you!

Confused, I feel for you, believe me. It sounds like he may also be having a hard time with his deployment. Being newly married, young and thrown in combat is a lot to deal with. You sound like you have it all together pretty well. If I could offer you any real advice, it would be like I said, get a professional counselor for yourself. Either way you will need it. When he comes home you will need the help if he decides to try to work on the marriage. He will also have to handle what he experienced during his tour. The Chaplain is also another great source of help. But please get the professional help too.

Do this for yourself. The outcome will be to help you survive whatever comes; but, it will also help you deal with his problems as to how they impact you. Only he can help himself. You can only support him. I do recommend that you both agree to not make any decisions or take this discussion any further right now while he is deployed.

What about all of the low lifed bastards in the Army, navy, Marines, etc. They take on other women, and make the other woman believe they are the only one, and they are married. He married and still kept his relationship with me. Now he has been deployed, so if his wife cheats she would be well within her rights. I sent his items to her job, with underwear, condoms,vibrators, alcohol, cologne, neck ties, cocks, cigars, everything he had at my house to convince her that he was actually living with me.

Linette said this on October 29, at pm Reply. I actually just called him today, which he failed to tell me i could do, i had to call his mom and she told me and gave me the number, and he said he is thinking of filing for a divorce. I begged him for a long time and his emotionless, cold, uncaring voice broke my heart. We are newly married and i just cannot believe this. When i said i do i meant it. I think he is having trouble cause we are not from the same state, he is stationed here and planned on staying here, and he is having trouble becoming a man i guess.

And maybe he likes being over there with single guys and hanging out with them cause when he was here we did most things together because when he had time off work we wanted to see each other.. None of it really makes sense to me. And as for him, i hope he comes around because i love him so much and this will be the biggest mistake he will ever make. First, why is his family encouraging him to see other girls? If he met someone in two weeks there was a problem before he left.

I suggest you go to a counselor. My husband and i are both in our early twenties. We have been married for almost a year. He will be gone for 4 more months. I knew something was wrong. Then it got worse. He stopped saying he missed me and loved me, i always had to say it first. He has told me it is easy for him to go in work early and call from work phone or stay late and call on work phone, so i know it is possible.

He usually calls every other day. I am worried. I have a feeling he is cheating and he is trying to push me away by fighting over stupid things. I am scared. I love him and i have done everything for him and i am getting absolutely nothing back. This is a stressful time for you both. I think your husband is a lucky guy! A crisis came up. You could have done a lot of really dumb things. Instead, you chose to openly deal with it and move on. It is nice the way you two worked this out. Sounds like you two guys will get through this just fine.

Good for you both. Thanks for your advice devildog…I have always tried to be an excellent wife to my husband. Whenever he is gone I send boxes of cookies and other homeade treats. As we have proceeded through this and I was trying to decide if I thought he had done wrong he told me he was scared to death that I would not believe him and that our marriage would be over. That really caught my attention. My husband has never even liked to talk about the possibilty of us splitting up.

I think I let jealous lead me down a bad path here. I have let people use my phone and had them take advantage like this. I think you ought to give him the benefit of the doubt. It is only natural to worry. Then you read the other comments here that are full of so much pain and heart ache. It is very easy to see what may not be there.

You made the right move when you talked to him. You also did good by not accusing first. Good for you! Keep those lines of communication open. Fill them with support, love, stories about the kids, and such. But, let him know that though it is hard, you want him to share waht he can or needs to!

Deployments are so hard on him and you and the kids. You have additional burdens and so does he.

See if there is someone doing care packages or something that you can help out when you can. It is hard to do many such things with two little guys around to care for; but, there is probably some small way you can help. It will also give you a feeling of helping your husband and his buddies. I wish you luck. I wish a safe deployment for your husband. I hope my advice is helpful. Okay here is my situation. My husband and I have just celebrated our sixth wedding anniversary. We have two kids one three and the other two months.

My husband left on pre deployment training very soon after our second child was born. I have had no reason to doubt anything he has ever told me in the last eight years that we have been together. There are thousands of minutes of talk time and hundreds of text messages to a female in his unit. When i asked him about it he said he lent his phone out to a friend. I asked him if i could have permission to view his AKO email account as i am just not feeling right about it. After a pause he said yes. I went on there and found some emails from her.

There is nothing horrible in them but things that might raise an eyebrow. What do you guys think? He says that he loves me and wants to come home and talks about a future together. But i just feel so awful. Any advice would be helpful. I am a 27 year old female that has found herself very much in love with a Marine. The Marine that I am so in love with is the father of two beautiful girls and the ex spouse of a cheating wife.

Each day I find myself loving him and his daughters like I have never loved before. My Marine is 10 years older than I am and very much in tune with what it is he wants in a mate and how he views his future. He and I are so connected on every level that it is scary. I personally have never cheated. Yes, I have been cheated on and while the pain was great I had to forgive him and move on with my life. I have never understood why anyone would cheat on the one they say they love.

It has been stated that men cheat for sexual reasons. The desire for a more active sex life, a desire for different kinds of sex, taking advantage of an opportunity to have sex without the fear of getting caught, to satisfy sexual curiosity about a specific female and a feeling of entitlement. They say woman cheat because they desire emotional closeness and intimacy, someone caring to confide in and bond with on an emotional level. Women need to feel validated as a woman, to re-experience feelings of romance and a desire to feel special. The answer is. No communication between the two.

We can all avoid infidelity if were where to be totally honest with one another and communicate open and honestly even if it hurts. I would much rather have the stings of honesty rather than to have the pain of infidelity. Infidelity is preventable. We as couples have to begin with yourself. Realize that we are powerful, spiritual and angelic beings and can create with love. Take care of our thoughts and feelings and make sure they reflect the positive you. Also observe our actions and insure that they have a loving intent too. Even when our emotions get the best of us the stress and concerns of life become a bit overwhelming, we have to just remember that we have tools of forgiveness, meditation, visualization and letting go to assist us in overcoming the negative experiences we encounter each day in our life.

Some things just are not worth worrying about or holding on to. When we are clear and receptive to our own higher, loving nature, we can then direct this love to people and places around us. Which includes our mates and what it was that caused us to love them in the first place. We want to be the angel we are and choose to live freely and joyfully. In doing so, we must look at this as a better world to live in and love it. The power of love is held within us every moment. This wondrous energy is available merely by the use and conscious recognition.

When we choose to love another as we transcend the lower personality perceptions and rise to a higher truth. We recognize our oneness, wholeness and interconnectedness. This is not a conditional love or the type of love that we try to use to earn favors or expect validation, rather this is a universal and unconditional love that recognizes the beauty in life every moment.

It is of a higher nature. It is a natural expression that does not expect an outcome of infidelity. So why are we bringing infidelity to our relationship? When all we have to do is recognize that love is a natural expression that expects an outcome of giving for the sake of giving for sharing, with no strings, no ultimatums and no hateful words. When we commit to a relationship we are to commit with the promise of always, expressing emotion and communicate without fear of being able to do so openly and honestly. My plan is to marry my Marine and to marry once in life. I will commit to my husband all of me, I will communicate openly, and honestly always, but most important of all I will always make him feel loved, needed, wanted, supported, and valued.

We are all adult people and if we cannot commit what it takes to make a relationship work while keeping the magic of love that brought us together, then we should not commit. Most of you may feel like I have no clue what I am talking about, but I have witnessed that magic first hand in the 40 year marriage of my parents. I also have been taught love and how to give love freely, to know that a relationship will forever be a work in progress with lessons to be learned everyday and that it is up to the two of us as a couple to make and keep the grade.

JJJ said this on August 24, at pm Reply. I am currently deployed to Iraq and when I was in Kuwait waiting for my ride north I noticed my wife had one of my friends as her friends on an IM program, I asked not to have him on there as it bugged me and she made a huge deal about how jealous I sounded and I let it go as just that. I thank god I am not doing outside the wire missions because I am always thinking of home now and I would be a wreck. I decided to more or less forgive her while I am deployed because it is almost impossible to work on problems while deployed but I am wanting to give it a second chance.

The main reason for this is because before I left I was a sorry excuse for a husband and had little marriage when I left, but fooled myself thinking there was. I love this woman with all my heart but there is no trust there anymore and it takes all my willpower to not leave her everytime I talk to her.

IASailor said this on July 14, at pm Reply. I am so glad that you are both starting to understand each other even though apart. Makes it a bit more difficult but as I said communication is the key to any relationship. If done often and correctly it will only benefit the marriage. I am also glad he took the time to see what you had said here.

Sometimes it is easier to write things down than convey them to someone over a phonecall. You can take time in composing your thoughts. I am sure he loves hearing from you! Also good to hear that you found some support for yourself as well. Another Marine wife who has been there, done that is an awesome choice for advice! I hope I was able to help in some small way and look forward to hearing how you are both doing in the future.

Stay strong and only 4 months to go! It will be over before you know it! Take care and keep the homes fire burning for your guy. A marine wife said this on May 26, at am Reply. I am sorry to hear that things have not gotten much better. These things do take some time. And since it is the first deployment, it will be hard. Not only because of the stress but all the unknowns. I will have to suggest that you keep trying to build up his trust that you are married to him and him only. You have no desires to seek comfort elsewhere. You have to start exerting your strength to show him that.

But you cannot be a prisoner in your own home either, he has to realise this. He is so far away and not having control of the situation at home. I suggest you work on that also. You have to try and break him of that habit. As for living near the base and others hitting on you, I certainly hope you do not mention this in your calls, that will only add fuel to the fire. If you do have a cell phone, have it with you. He can always call on that.

You really do need to get out and do things. I am not saying to go partying every night, but even just to a gym or a walk or something! Start sending him packages, email frequesntly, communicate extensively to him. Send him momentos of you and him, love notes, even small things can be a relief to him. I am not sure of your age but you seem to be in the younger set.

I also suggest you seek out support for yourself while he is away with people in the same boat. Is there not other military wives around that you can confide in? Join a support group, read material on deployments and how to deal with all the different scenerios that you may face. I hope I shed some light for you and hope you can get on a clear path to peace and contentment in your marriage.

And remember to communicate! Good luck Hon.. Stay strong! A marine wife said this on May 19, at am Reply. WOW, I am sitting here reading all of this getting a little upset at some of the things people are saying. Well I have been with my Marine for a little less than a year. We had talked about marriage before he went on deployment but it was always just a conversation. Well he is on deployment right now and a couple months ago he emailed me and sent me a picture of a ring that he purchased me in Saudi Arabia.

Well I really love this man and this is our first deployment. I am a very insecure woman from being cheated on alot in my past relationship and it has been a consistant problem with him and I because I was constantly accusing him of cheating. I am very scared and I can honestly say reading some of these posts I am more scared than I was before coming on here. He has been cheated on a couple times in his life and most recently the girl he was with before me. I would personally NEVER EVER cheat on him and I am saddened to learn that people are just cheating on eachother left and right while they are on deployment and while their significant other is on deployment.

The thing that scares me is if he has cheated on me during this deployment I would never find out. I have been very suspicious because when he is at sea traveling he emails me every single day, but as soon as he is on Liberty in these foreign countries he doesnt contact me until he is back on the ship and he has a cellular phone he can call me or text me on.

Am I just overreacting? Why does he neglect me when he is on Liberty? Is that a sign of cheating while on deployment? He tells me that its because hes the only one that has a cell phone and they are out having fun and just happy to be off the ship and he doesnt like the fact that hes the only person that has to keep texting or calling his girlfriend… Any advice?????

Please help. LovinmyMarine4ever said this on May 18, at pm Reply. But it sounds like it is. One thing that you cannot do is put you life on hold. Waiting by the phone is not a good thing to do. If you do have a cellular, when he calls he can reach you on that. You still need to get out and do things or else it will drive you crazy! Generally 7 days a week, several hours a day. Communication in Iraq can be troublesome too. I would still email him everyday.

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But I would not complain too much, keep it lite, simple, tell him you miss him, love him and are waiting for him to come home. There will be other deployments. As for his comment about the older woman commenting on his wedding ring I am not sure what the reason for that was. I am guessing he wants you to know he is desirable and he wants you to tell him those things, not her. Try to communicate in an email your deepest feelings and thoughts and hopefully you both can find comfort regardless of the miles apart.

I will check back often to see if I can be of anymore help for you. Support from other is something you need during a deployment so seeking it in various areas helps too. Take care and help is always available! Joanna said this on May 16, at pm Reply. A marine wife said this on May 16, at am Reply. Joanna said this on May 12, at pm Reply. A marine wife said this on May 8, at am Reply. Joanna, Honestly,u should be ashame of urself becuz u committed a sin w. U knew he was married n u still continued to flirt w.

Unless,u made urself believe that. U should be ashamed n this is a guilt u n him would carry for the rest of ur life. If I was u I would have the tendency to email the wife n let her know becuz now that ur away from him what if his still doing this to her. Make a difference to urself. Do whats right let the wife know the truth.! Rebecca, well said. I suspect you are punishing yourself far more than anyone else could or would.

Look at him as the pathetic scumbag he is. If he never did this before, I am very sure he feels just as badly as you. We are all only human. We make mistakes sometimes, little ones and great big ones! When it comes to infidelity, a trust is broken. The offender must regain that trust. Hopefully the offended has the love to see it through if the marriage is worth saving. Hopefully the offender has the courage to re-earn that trust. If or when the offended spouse is told can be discussed in that environment. Remember, no two situations are identical. Each situation is unique due to the fact that we are all unique!

Each situation must be dealt with from that view point. Our life before and up to a given moment in time determines how well we deal with stress whatever the cause. Family support is good; but, it is better to have other support too. I say this because all family members, immediate or extended, are going to be stressed by the deployment. Make double sure all legal matters, bills, financial matters are well planned and set up.

If there are no support groups, then form one for those left behind to support each other. That can be baby sitting, someone to talk to, whatever. Set up ground rules. Give everyone a chance for participation. Set up car pools for things like kids activities, etc. For those deployed, there is help available for you too if you need it. Even if you talk to the Chaplain, that is help. It is hard to be away from home, listen to problems from home you can do nothing about, experience all you experience and not feel OK to share with your loved one these things, have then keep asking what is wrong, etc..

Both sides have their issues. It is their problem to deal with how they feel about it. Those at home, try to think about what you might feel, as best you can, if the rolls were reversed. Life and death versus those mundane, but very important every day issues at home. Both your jobs are equally important. Bit, there is one exception, the one deployed needs their head on straight so they can stay focused and not endanger their self and others. Sure guys and gals deployed cheat. Sure guys and gals back home cheat. The added stress of frequent deployments and the increased worry when that deployment involves combat does make for a more stressful life.

Use that amazing resource to support yourselves during tough times. Hold on to your trust. It is hard, very hard, I know. Fear and insecurity are our worse enemies sometimes. Just try to hold on to that unique closeness and bond found in military families that few others ever have! Trust it!! Joanna said this on April 16, at pm Reply. Thank you for your response. My husband has been on a convoy for 4 days, and has somehow managed to call me a few times every day. The more I talk to him, the more I see how impossible it would be for him to be acting this way.

In truth, I should have known when I heard the rumor that it could not be true. He would have to be the biggest liar of his day, and deception has never been a part of his character. I am certainly not looking for anyone. Many wives go to the bars when their husbands leave, which is such a bad choice. My husband and I have never, ever been a part of that scene. I would strongly confront a woman who did this, or a man for that matter. I suppose that I am one of the blessed ones who has a husband with integrity and a soul. To me, someone who cheats on their spouse, specifically on deployment, has got to be one of the most selfish son of a bitches alive.

That is what it is, turmoil should draw you closer to the ones you love. You should be picturing your children in that moment, not feeling up some homewrecker in the desert. To the women who entice the married men, I hope that you know you are cursing your own happiness in the future and destroying lives. What goes around comes around. Even if you do have an affair, you do realize that you are nothing but a glorified harlot.

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Keep your cougar claws out of married men. I can assure you that they see you as nothing more than a vagina. I think it is terrible that we have to deal with these issues when we are suffering enough already. Rebecca said this on April 16, at am Reply. What was your reason?

Flirtation is something many men and women seem good at; but, I often have wondered if those they cheat with have any self respect? I have to agree with the military about people telling a spouse whether or not someone is cheating. As for the military position on this, troops deployed in combat are in a life and death situation. Not only their lives, but the lives of fellow troops. The is not he time to resolve or discuss issues of this importance. Some do it because they can. Others, because war makes them feel like they have no feelings.

They wind up involved with someone they can connect with on some level. Meanwhile back home is a spouse faithfully waiting, cheating because they can, etc.. Get counseling while they are still deployed, and wait for them to come before confronting them. My husband of 5 years is deployed. A friend of mine is married to a man who is deployed with my husband.

He told her that my husband was acting flirtatious, and that if I could see how he is, my heart would be broken. Ofcourse, I freaked out and confronted him. He confronted the guy, and the guy said that he never said those things. They told him that even if something were happening, it was not his business to tell. He calls and e-mails daily, prays with me on the phone about matters concerning me, and always has a cheery tone. How does a man that cheats over there act? He is my absolute best friend, but again, most women do not know that their husbands cheat over there.

I know of 3 wives whose husbands have had affairs, but they are clueless to it? Why does the military do this? What are the signs to look for, and why does the military cover this up? Rebecca said this on April 15, at pm Reply. Joanna said this on April 14, at am Reply. Armywifey, forget about finding out what is going on. Take this time to work on yourself and find out why you let this man or anyone else treat you so badly. I know that sounds cold; but, I have been there.

But, they offer a really great program. I went for three years. If you have kids they help you with free on site baby sitting. Battering does not always involve being hit. However, in your case, based on your post, it could become an issue once he returns. All they see are the ingredients of war, death, injured, rubble, etc.

Even the best of marriages experience no phone calls. Many are also afraid that their loved ones will be repulsed at what they have seen or done. What an unusual man you are! You deserve better. The only thing I ask is if this shit does go on then do it without feelings involved. I hurt bad enough that it happened at all but when you add the fact that she started having feelings for this guy then that makes it way worse.

C-City said this on March 22, at am Reply. I am sure the statistics would bear out that the percentage is low. Natalie Hernandez said this on March 17, at pm Reply. How could I dare cheat on my precious husband. I hear stories all the time and I am so shocked by the fact that people really do ditch their honorable spouses out in the war. I know what you mean.

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I went through it all just like you just said. I a glad that you are getting help. There is a kicker here. You may do the same thing again. We are enablers for their behavior. We also have something that has made us develop low self esteem. I have a suggestion for you. Tell them you want to get some information on domestic abuse. You want to learn the signs, cycle, etc. You want to let your therapists go over them with you to help you understand it all and help you not to repeat the same thing again.

Better yet, have the therapist call them and get a copy. It will really help you a lot. Try to look at your progress. Every case is different. Te years later, I did the same thing again even though I worked very hard. My case was an extreme case. Not everyone will experience the same problems I have.

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Others will be worse. Foreveryoursalways always has good advice. There is one caution I would point out. We all say we will never get involved again; but, we do! There are many Churches that have singles groups. Some of these groups are made up of people who like yourself have had terrible relationships.

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Jun 20, - While it's easy to dismiss cheating as a thing only terrible people do, Before my first deployment, my wife and I became new parents. A month prior to my No, but you'll never catch me regretting what I did. — Alicia, 25, Air. Apr 4, - This is the greatest opportunity i came across on Quora last month and i'm not hesitating to share this brilliant guy with anyone out there  Do women in the military cheat while in deployment?

I had kids so I enjoyed both types of activities. But, it was a while before I was able to join such a group. You and your therapists can talk about this when you are ready if you decide to try it out! Venting is great. Another way to vent is beat nails into a board [sounds dumb, but works], beating a tennis ball against a wall, basketball, or something else physical.

I found the tennis balls a great help. I also always carried something around in my pocket that I just grasp in my hands at times when I felt extremely anxious when I was depressed. Sometimes depression needs medical help. This is usually not for a very long time.

Most important for you now besides therapy is regular, healthy eating, and at least eight hours sleep. Some some people need as much as ten to fourteen hours a night. That can be extreme and an indication you need meds. But, you must have a decent schedule, structured with regular meals, sleep, physical activity.

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Their gravy train will end one day. And generally what goes around, DOES come around. I know only too well the questions you are asking yourself right now. It does get easier trust me. Judging from your post there is no hope for reconciliation. Glad to hear you are managing and coping as best as you can. Time is now for you to step back, breath, map out a plan to find a clear path away from her destructive behaviour.

I hope you have a good support system in place. If this situation is causing problems at work as well, you may be heading or already be in a depressed and anxious state. BTDT too. And venting is GOOD! Hey, devildogg, I have to tell you I have had a couple of really bad weeks. There has been a lot of self-doubt and feelings of worthlessness going on with this relationship I had. Even though it has been over for awhile, these are deep seeded feeling that often rear their ugly heads and just overtake every aspect of who and what you are.

For anybody who is reading this, it is a natural process. It is not easy, but it is natural. There is a tendency to blame oneself for the actions of the cheater. Do I not keep a good enough home? Do I not make enough money? Do I not work hard enough for you? Am I not good enough in bed? Why did you do this to me? They certainly did in mine over the past couple of weeks. I can say all that intellectually and believe it. The hardest part is seeing your former partner move on — usually pretty quickly. But, remember, that is what they do — cheaters cheat; cheaters have a chronic problem of seeking attention, increasing self-worth, building self-esteem, etc at whatever the cost.

There are classic signs and symptoms that these people exhibit. I had people who were telling me to be careful, people who knew her. I am paying for it now, personally and professionally. Her misbehavior is now reflecting badly on me at work, even though I did nothing wrong. It shows poor judgment on my part that I took her back 3 times. That is going to cost me a promotion. The sad thing is, her promiscuity has put her in the position of being invlolved with people who can influence my career negatively and hers positively.

I am still struggling with my feelings for her and how they reflect on me. It is difficult to avoid conflict with her, but I am managing.

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My advice to people, having been through a whole lot so far, listen to the people you trust and trust your own instincts. If behaviors are questionable, question them. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck — it is probably a duck. Press on and try not to let what someone did to you make you feel as if you are the bad person or the guilty party. If you have nothing to hide, hide nothing. Be the bigger person. I am not a vindictive person, but I sincerely hope that there is some justice in the world and what goes around comes around.

Thanks again, devildogg, it feels good sometimes to just vent. I hope somebody out there is reading this and getting some good out of it. Again your words are so poignant and right on. You have done an amazing job. Best to you! I found a great therapist who has been working with me for some time. End the cycle of a destructive relationship before it gets to you. Love means a lot, but your sanity is more important.

What good are you to anyone if you are a walking basketcase. Situations such as mine can get so out of hand that careers are at stake, as are lives. It is more situational than that. If the situation, or problem, is removed, life gets better. But you have to want to do it. Sometimes finances are used as an excuse to stay, sometimes children. They are just a facade for the real problems at hand.

What harm is coming to the children in situations like this? It is just another form of abuse — exposing kids ti such things. Remember, nothing helps unless a person really wants help. You did, you did all the work, give yourself the credit. I totally agree with you about male domestic violence victims. But, men like you with your courage are changing that perception! Thank you! Devildog, I was in the same place as you. She was the cheater and became the batterer once I confornted her and stopped accepting and enabling her behavior.

A man who is abused and comes forward is looked upon as less than a man, a wimp, or any other pejorative you would like to use she had many colorful names that she called me when we fought over this. I, too, needed to accept my role in all of this and move forward with my own healing process. Unfortunately for her and her kids, she has not. She continues to behave in ways that are morally and ethically questionable. What is worse is that it is with her military colleagues. She could lose her commission if all this comes forward. We had been together for 4 yrs before I joined the marines.

Totally in love. We were engaged for a yr before I signed up. We got married, basically a justice of the peace wedding but in a church. Last min thing to get more money to be able to pay bills, and her have the benefits while I was at boot camp. Saw her for 2 weekends during that. Found out I was being stationed at camp lejuene NC, and got a house to rent for us. I found out the day I graduated that I would be in Iraq in 2 weeks. So 2 weeks later I left for Iraq for 7 months. I missed Christmas, my birthday her birthday and our anniversary.

I got home in March and from what I recall, everything was fine. In sept, we found out she was pregnant and having our first baby. I deployed to Iraq again. Came home to my son , who was 2 months old. Happy family.

Managing Your Emotions When Your Spouse Is Deployed

So one day , I see she friended a guy, former marine, on Facebook. Don't know the guy. I had a bad feeling. Woke her up at midnight as soon as I saw this. Asked her about it, could tell she was lying, got mad n left the house. I still didn't believe her. I took her phone the next morning after being up all night with her. I called in sick to work and Facebook messaged this guy. He thought I was her. Found out they were seeing each other for about 7 months. Started in December and ended in July when he left for a new duty station.

I got home in March, so for 3 months while I was away, then 4 months while I was home, she had a fucking boyfriend. My heart fell out of my body. This perfect woman, who was my hero, while everyone was calling me the hero, she was mine, for going through everything.

I was in combat the whole time I deployed both times. She stayed strong. Well I thought she did. I feel all my memories are fucked up now from that time. I feel everything has changed. It's hard to remember. I try to remember where I was when she "went to the store" and actually was blowing him in a parking lot in the car. I try to remember nights in Iraq when I would call n she didn't answer because she was fucking him in his apt. It's driving me insane.

I'm trying to not think about it, but it doesn't go away. I love her to death. Somehow this has brought us closer. She has told me all she can remember, but I feel there's still more. I'm not going to leave her. Believe it or not, I'm secure with myself. I'm a confident man, but it's hard to be that when I feel so helpless, being this was 10 yrs ago. I just want to get my hands on this pussy that she was with, but as much as it would feel great to bloody him up, I know it won't help.

How do I get past this? How do I figure all this out? How do I get past the fact I feel like the last 10 hrs have been a lie? Delph A lot of the regulars on this board have a lot of great advise and each have differant views on how to handle the situation. Your story isn't much differant than mine. I had always thought that my woman was my hero too because when everyone one else around me had "Jodie" horror stories, I thought mine was good and true and was the best thing to ever happen to me.

She was my higher power and I put everything I had into our relationship even though I was in Iraq and afghanistan contractor. I will tell you this but I allready know you aren't gonna listen. The more you dig the more you will find. She admitted easily to cheating "for a month" That is just the tip. Think carefully about what you do before you do it. There is nothing that will make it any better, but time and God, if you believe. I know you want to handle it like a grunt that you are, but this is time to think like a General. I have sons also and having them go though it was terrible and we will be dealing with this the rest of our life.

You are going to have some differant stages of emotions. The one where you feel close is good.

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